is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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