saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize