Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
