And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
