I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
