That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Did I show you my penis last night?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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