so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
