Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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