there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sorry my hands just texted you
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
