i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
