my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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