His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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