I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
