"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
