so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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