i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
