I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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