Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize