every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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