No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
