there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
