Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
