Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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