i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
