Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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