piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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