I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
