can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
