Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
