Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
