i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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