I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
