How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize