Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the day after is always just damage control
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
