just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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