I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
