Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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