so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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