I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
