You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
