Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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