Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
