easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
