I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
