Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
