I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
