I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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