peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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