38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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