She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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