I didn't shave. On purpose
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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