I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
