He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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