Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
