Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
