Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
