There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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