I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
